Meanwhile, I am giving Captain Sensible a lot of angst, which gives him the opportunity to draw on his powers of sensibility to assuage my anguish. I have to say I give him 20 out of 10 for his performance because I know that I am a very difficult person to live with and even just to know!!! At the same time I am trying very hard not to spread my anxiety, fears, lack of confidence, temporary bouts of excitement, flights of fancy, and brain-running-ahead-of-my-feet moments, etcetera out and about but trying to keep everything under control and THAT is difficult for me because I have always lived on the precipice of emotional trauma.
I want to have fun and sometimes the fun has been and is so euphoric... and sometimes the opposite is so horrid. I want to skip and laugh and play ... I want a project .... but I tell myself that I have loads of unfinished projects in the cupboards of my home and my mind ...and why not get on and do them!
So what's it all about?
If I only knew the deep-rooted need in my soul then I could answer that question!!
I have talents but I have become further undisciplined in my early retirement. Yet I have done so much in my life since the opportunity for the troisieme age arrived. I KNOW there is so much I want to do and yet I just don't get on with it! I find diversions, like making a cake! I know I should play the piano more... I know there should be many more "should do's" in my life! I know I must learn not to waste time and I know I want to declutter my life but knowing where to start when the weather is not conducive or when I am too busy are as one perceives, procrastinations!
I started this blog because I wanted to write. I still want to write. I have writings which are most probably completely erroneous. Writing takes discipline though what to write requires care, consideration, and reason. This blog is for me but it's in the public domain so I take the risk of revealing or not revealing the inner workings of Sweetpea in France.
I think I am erroneous. (NB two definitions of this word)